The Daily Retard Blog about Stupid People Idiots and Morons on Video

OK, so I was all set to write about the upcoming holiday and my thoughts on our “freedom”, until I went to the grocery store. All I wanted to do was get some hot dogs and shit to grill for the kids tonight, but things went very wrong…
Could there be a better place to run into the absolute dregs of humanity that the grocery store? I for one don’t think so. Maybe WalMart, but that’s a topic for another day. Now, I live in a second-ring suburb kind of a place, so it’s not like we’re talking about the inner city and shit like that. Mostly what I have is a bunch of fat suburban housewives (what a total disappointment to their hard-working husbands who never knew that when they said “I do”, she said “I graze”, but anyway), and welfare cases who are buying food using MY money (what a total disappointment to absolutely everything except Al Gore and Obamorn).

I REALLY Need Some Doritos

OK, anyway, back to the fuckheads at the grocery store. First, lets discuss the employees- and this I will temper just a bit because they actually DO have jobs. But seriously, would it KILL some of these losers to take a fucking shower before they punch in? I wouldn’t think so, but for some reason it doesn’t seem like simple hygiene is a condition of employment at the local market. And second of all, put on your fucking uniform. For chrissake, all they ask is that you wear a gray shirt and a nametag, that way when I see you pushing a bunch of carts in the parking lot, I know you actually work there and aren’t trying to sell them to bums or some shit. More on carts later….
On to the real fuckheads- the shoppers… I mean, come on people, if your ass is so fucking FAT that its impossible for me to get around you in the aisle, please think about staying home and inside during the day (ie. out of the public view) and do your shopping in the middle of the night when there are no small children around for you to scare. Seriously, some of the ass I saw today was so fucking huge there could actually have been small children swallowed up in the cracks and folds and no one would ever know.

What Aisle Did You Say the CAKE Was In?

And then we have the fucking change counters- you know those idiots, the ones that have to count out every single last fucking penny and pay with exact change. Like a fucking quarter would kill you! Seriously people, do you have NO CONCEPT of the value of time? And if you own time is so fucking worthless to you that you can spend 5 minutes digging through the suitcase you call a purse to find a penny, then goddammit think about the 14 people in line behind you who actually have LIVES and things to do, and get the HELL out of my way. The dumb bitch in question here, after spending literally FIVE MINUTES digging through her purse for A FUCKING PENNY, then decided she was overcharged for cupcakes. And trust me when I tell you, the LAST thing this cow needed was a fucking cupcake.
But anyway, now that I have wasted 5 minutes on a useless penny search I was forced to wait for the dreaded “price check”. You know the price check, where the dumbass fat bitch welfare case cashier has to page over the intercom for some pothead drunk teenage retard from the bakery department to come up and look at the 6-pack of cupcakes to make sure they should be $3.29 instead of $2.99… Goddammit! We’re talking about thirty fucking cents here, people! The time it takes junior to put down his bong and stagger his stupid stoned ass up to the counter is worth more than $.30, not to mention the fact that by the time he stumbles back to the cupcake rack he will have forgotten what he’s looking for anyway and just make something up….

I NEED A Happy Meal, Mom!!

And now my favorite- the parking lot. These fat pig loser fuckheads who leave the grocery store with $200 worth of processed garbage foods that shouldn’t be served to barnyard animals, and food that MY tax dollars paid for, who are then too fucking lazy to walk the extra 10 feet to put the cart into the cart corral thing where the brain-dead morons who have to push the carts back into the store for the next crop of idiots- THOSE are the ones that REALLY piss me off. Really people, how fucking hardis it to push the cart into it’s little cage? That way, you aren’t blocking up parking spaces, or leaving it somewhere where the cart will roll into my car, and at least you are doing SOMETHING to justify your sorry pathetic loser existence… This shit just confuses me to no fucking end….
So, on my way out for the day, please enjoy this video of some of the same loser idiot moron fuckhead stupid people I see on a daily basis reacting to Popeyes Chicken in Minneapolis NOT honoring a nationwide “special”. If you like retards you will LOVE these fuckers!

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And now for my neighbors…. Trust me, although this is the first time you are hearing about them I can guarantee you it won’t be the last. Talk about a bunch of moron fuckhead retard idiots. Now here’s the deal, I live in a side-by-side duplex, so we share the back yard. I have 3 kids, they have two. My kids absolutely fucking rule, and their kids are about a half-step away from needing
helmets to leave the house. But I let my kids play with the idiots next door in hopes that they might develop some tolerance for the glaringly obvious shortcomings of others, and grow up to be a little less crabby than I am. Now there have been plenty of run-ins in the past, but today we’ll talk about the latest one. It’s also important to note that as fucked up as the kids are, it’s entirely the parents’ fault. You couldn’t have hand-picked two bigger fuckheads to get together and reproduce. She’s a psychologist (as if that shouldn’t throw up a HUGE fucking red flag) and he’s some kind of glorified secretary for a local insurance company.
But they are both TOTAL fuckheads. You know the type, hand-off parents who allow the children to “explore”, the ones you see watching and doing nothing while some bratty 5-year old throws a screaming temper tantrum on the floor at the grocery store, dismissing it as “showing his feelings” and allowing him to “express himself”. Anyway, my main bitch has always been that they NEVER let their kids go outside until WE are out there first, and they NEVER EVER watch the kids when they’re outside. So now, instead of watching 3 kids under the age of 7, all of a sudden I am in charge of 5. I handle it pretty simply, I just don’t give a fuck what the neighbor kids do. My mom on the other hand, was down babysitting awhile back, and the little douchebag prick next door went home and told his idiot dad that “we spanked him”. So now I have some overweight balding fuckhead retard standing in my front door and shaking his finger at my mom, threatening to call the cops and that sorta shit. Keep in mind, my mom never even spanked me and my brother, much less some fuckhead kid next door. And no, my mom doesn’t live here, in case you were wondering….
Anyway, in front of his dad, my mom asks the little dipshit if she spanked him or not and he stood there silent. Finally, my mom tells him, “As long as you’re here and I’m talking to you, when I am here, keep your damn kids at home. I come down here to visit my grandchildren, not run a daycare center”. They leave, and I start planning to build a fence.
Fast forward to yesterday. I have to go to work, so my mom comes down to babysit. She and my kids go outside, and (of course) fuckhead shows up. Well, my mom sends him home. Two minutes later, the bitch-with-a-capital-C comes out of the house and starts telling my mom all about how her grandkids are going to “resent her” because “all these 5 kids love each other and NEED to play together”. Have you EVER heard such a load of bullshit in your whole life?? So my mom, getting her ass chewed by this bitch, says she doesn’t wanna be responsible for HER kids. And the bitch actually tells her EVERYONE is responsible for kids!! That must be why they never watch their own fucking kids, because the whole world will do it for them…. Anyway, my mom decides to revisit the now-infamous “spanking” incident and FINALLY (I attribute this to some “stranger” responsible for teaching the little dipshit something useful) decides to own up to the fact that my mom never touched him. Then, my mom asks him why this bitch would even WANT her kids over playing at the house where he might be being beaten. To which, with all her psychologist training, all she could reply with was an open mouth.
Like I said, this is the first story about the retarded neighbors I have but you can bet it won’t be the last…

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Well, today we have a double header of abject fucking stupidity for you. I was trying to decide which bunch of morons to write about today and I just couldn’t make up my mind, so I think I’ll share some happy thoughts about both of them.
First, let’s talk about morons in Minnesota. I am talking mostly about the roughly half of the population stupid enough to have voted for that completely fucking retarded, washed-up, unfunny, so-called comedian and wanna-be pornographer by the name of Al Franken. Now, I have said for years that 90% of the population is WAY too stupid to be allowed to vote, and if the election of Obamoron didn’t prove my point in spades (no pun intended- I am not racist I hate everyone equally), then the so-called election of Al Franken certainly should. I mean, I have NEVER been able to understand the alleged “logic” of a liberal, but Al Franken is so God damn stupid it absolutely boggles my mind that even the most tree-hugging, patchouli-oil-drenched, sandal-wearing, environmentalist fuckhead “progressive” would even give a thought to voting for him. But enough about the voters and the fuckhead who is now allegedly the 60th communist senator, I personally am far more disappointed with Norm “I quit” Coleman. Only after Obamoron and his socialist congress have managed to completely destroy this country will the full weight of what I am saying be recognized. Norm Coleman just might be the person single-most responsible for the fallout from the next 3+ years of destruction these idiots will cause. He had NOT run out of appeals, he just flat gave up. Personally, it makes me wanna vomit.

OK, now for Bernie FuckHead Madoff…. Now, as if this guy wasn’t a big enough douchebag all on his own, all of a sudden we are supposed to feel bad for all his so-called “victims”? I don’t fucking think so. Listen, and listen well because this is NO different than EnRon. NOBODY forced ANYONE to invest a dime in Madoff’s bullshit, and NO ONE was EVER forced to put a DIME of their own money in EnRon either. Why then, did they do it? How did we get another huge class of “victims”? GREED, pure and simple. Unadulterated and unashamed GREED. And I will NOT feel bad for a single one of them. These people made bad choices with their money, they got screwed and it is THEIR fault. While they MAY be “victims” of Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme, above and beyond that they are victims of their own greed and I sincerely hope I am not the only person on this fucking planet who can see this. Do I think Madoff is a cocksucker scumbag who should die in prison? Oh, yes. He is WAY beyond the normal limits of moronic stupidity we normally see here at The Daily Retard, but he is NOT the only person responsible.

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OK, so the whole thing with Jon and Kate might be considered old news, but here’s the deal- they are fucking idiots. Plus, this is my blog and I can write about whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want. And since I have hated them since the first time I saw their stupid show like 3 years ago it’s not like I am jumping on some kind of bandwagon here.
Those two idiots are so damn retarded its hard to even know where to start with the tirade, but I guess I’ll start with Kate. She is a total raging fucking bitch! She really is one of those people I find it hard to believe has lived as long as she has. Seriously, the list of people who would like to bash her head in with a lead pipe has got to be longer than the list of people who had to take today off to mourn Michael Jackson (another total fucking waste of skin, but that’s for another day). ANY red-blooded American male with a shred of self-respect would want to see her hung upside down and beaten like a fucking pinata.
And Jon, for Christs sake, grow a pair of nuts and tell that bitch to fuck off. I mean seriously, it’s bad enough to let your bitch-with-a-capital-C wife treat you like a total doormat (not to mention a kindergardener) when you’re at home alone…. But to take that kind of shit in front a TV cameras on a nationally televised cable show just proves the fact that you were either castrated at birth or you are too fucking retarded to even know any better.

I woulda cheated on that bitch, too!

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I really can’t believe what I heard on the radio today– North Korea is aiming nukes at Hawaii? Are you fucking kidding me? Even a sawed-off retard as stupid as kim jong ill (or however the fuck you spell that idiots name) can’t really be that stupid, can he?
Am I the only person on the planet who remembers what happened to the last bunch of idiots (that would be Japan for those of you who morons who need some help) who tried to bomb Hawaii? Do Hiroshima and Nagasaki ring a bell? How about hundreds of thousands of slanty-eyed idiots running around glowing in the dark? Seriously! There must be an experiment waiting to happen somewhere here that will prove that a diet of rice and fish is BAD for logical thought processes….
And really, who gives a FUCK about North Korea anyway? What in God’s name do they offer the planet? As far as I know (and this IS my blog so I can write what the FUCK I want to), they have no economy other than a subsistence level of socialism (must be why Obamoron is so enamored with them) and lots of drug exports, so why the hell their thoughts and opinions are even entertained in the scope of the global “reality” are so far beyond me it actually makes me wonder whether or not I am the idiot here….
And on a separately but somewhat related note.. why Hawaii anyway? It’s gotta be one of two things- either that’s the best that group of dipshits can some up with as far as range of their nuclear weapons, or… They are somehow trying to get even with Hawaii for being the ALLEGED birthplace of Obamoron. Being an American living in the middle of the country (ie- home of the most Socialists outside of Washington DC and Massachusetts, not to mention maybe the most fucked up weather in the Continental US), I find it hard to think of any reason at all to target Hawaii. So it must be that they aren’t even talented enough to build a missile worth firing over a range long enough to even matter….
Anyway, North Korea, piss off… If it was up to me, your country would be a skating rink. Have a nice day :)!

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