It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

Brett Favre is a Moron

Brett Favre... Retired or Retarded???

With that, lets get on to the fuckheads. I wanna start with Brett Favre. Now I have never made any secret of the fact that, with the exception of a few hockey players I HATE professional athletes. There are many many reasons why and I won’t bore you with the details here and now, but suffice it to say that the ranks of the NFL, NBA and the MLB are FULL of people so fucking stupid they couldn’t get a job as an assistant manager at a fucking Dairy Queen, and THAT is really an unfair thing to say to DQ…. But, and this is painful to admit being that I am from Minnesota, I always kinda liked Brett Favre. I don’t give enough of a fuck about the Vikings and football to even pay attention to the scores of the games, but I always kinda thought Brett Favre had some class…. Not so, any more, apparently. I mean, how many fucking times is the guy gonna retire???? I heard on the radio on my way into work today (the WORST job in the world but that is a subject for another day) that there are more rumors that, even though he has already said he is NOT playing for the ViQueens, that may have changed. Again. Jesus Fucking Christ, Brett, just go away….. You have no respect left anywhere, just go back to Louisiana, get some beer and narcotics and bottle out…..

Michael Vick….

Michael Vick... Redeemed or Retarded????

OK, now you have all heard that convicted dog-killer Michael Vick was paroled and reinstated to the NFL. There has been a HUGE uproar about the reinstatement and whether or not he should be allowed to play pro football and earn all that money, scumbag that he is. Don’t get me wrong- I am by NO MEANS a dog lover, but let’s face it- dog fighting is not OK. And for fuck’s sake- why in the HELL would a man with Vick’s talent allowed himself to be involved in such an activity. It’s purely fucking retarded and there is no other way to say it…. BUT! Hold the phone, you idiots…. He has paid his debt to society. He was charged, tried, convicted and sentanced under the American legal system. He has served his time and is now a free man. Free to exercise his constitutional rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That is the way the system works, like it or not. So if the NFL- which is already loaded down with scumbags, losers, fuckheads, murderers, felons and more douchebags that should legally be allowed to gather in one place at one time for fear of the spontaneous creation of some sort of immorality black hole that could potentially implode the entire North American continent on any given Sunday- decides to let him back in then so be it. One more loser douchebag one way or the other on the rosters of the NFL is really not going to make any difference and quite honestly, the people who are against his reinstatement are attempting to further punish a man who has already done his time. So let him back in, it only serves to reinforce my contention that professional sports as a whole is, outside the elected officials in Washington, is the biggest collection of losers, idiots, morons, retards, douchebags, lowlives and just general scum of the earth on the planet. I won’t be watching anyway….

Here is something else new we are gonna be doing on every post. The parting shot. Why? because it’s my fucking blog and I can do what I want…. But seriously, most of the shit I write about here, as retarded as it is, is somewhat depressing. And the parting shot will serve as a way to have a good laugh at the end of a tirade about some fuckhead or another. So without further ado, here is today’s.

The boat goes in FIRST, you shithead!

Before we get into the mullet pics and hot chicks with douchebags, I need to clear the air about a few things…. It has come to my attention that some people don’t like my little retard blog, they seem to think it’s offensive or some shit like that. Well, I got news for ya, dumbasses- if ya don’t like it then don’t fucking read it! It’s pretty goddamn simple, really. When the radio plays a song ya don’t like, ya change the fucking channel. The Interwebs are really no different, thats why your web browser has that fucking little red X up in the corner… Or are you too fucking stupid to realize it????
Ya see, that’s the problem with stupid retarded idiot moron people, most of which probably voted for president Hussein-they think they need to make all the choices for everybody else. Well I got news for ya, motherfuckers, I am here to stay because until the world runs out of stupid people (and therefore I run out of idiot shit to write about) I have a job to do. And judging from my fuckhead neighbors and the fact the the USA is now officially governed by communists, I don’t see the retards going away any time soon.
Now, on to the good stuff. Being such a sad day with the whole Michael Jackson Memorial Service HangOver and all, I decided to take another break from politics and just go with some idiots I found online today. These people are truly the cream of the crop when it comes to retards and they deserve to be highlighted here at The Daily Retard.

Mullets

First, I am happy to announce I have located what (possibly) could be the rebirth of Mullets Galore in form of MulletJunky. Laughing at stupid people makes me feel good, and the idiots at this site had me literally rolling on the fucking floor laughing my ass off. It’s the main reason I still shop at WalMart, the hope of catching a look at some mullet head live and in person. So take time out to view the insanity, you know after MJ’s Memorial you need a good laugh….

Mullets. They Deserve To Be Laughed At.

Hot Chicks with DouchBags

This collection of morons, idiots, douchebags and total retarded idiots comes with a very nice little bonus- there are hot chicks in the pictures! Now every normal guy (and most women I know) LOVE looking at pics of hot chicks, so just try to look past the douchebags (it’s hard, but I know you can do it) and enjoy the images…

Hot Chicks with DoucheBags

Oh, and for more enlightening stories on fun with retards, the Tard Blog is a definite must-read. It’s written by Tucker Max, who is a self-described asshole. That may be true, but one thing I know for sure is that he’s funny as hell and it’s worth your time to check it out.
And don’t worry, there has been plenty of idiot shit going in in Washington and we’ll take a look at those morons and retards tomorrow. And like I said when I started, if The Daily Retard offends you, GOOD! Now fuck off and leave. If you LIKE The Daily Retard, subscribe to the feed and share it with your friends!

So apparently one of the biggest retards of all time, Jamie Foxx, did some kind of “tribute” to the biggest idiot of all time- Michael Jackson. And he said some bullshit about black people “giving” Michael Jackson to the world. Have you ever heard such a bunch of bullshit in your entire fucking life??? Seriously!

Are You Fucking Kidding Me? A WheelChair AND A Mask?

Apparently his exact words were: “We want to celebrate this black man – he belongs to us – and we shared him with everybody else.”

Jamie Foxx is an Absolute Fucking Moron

Now I have said before that I am not racist, I hate everyone equally. But when a black man goes out and says some retarded shit like that, what’s a good little white boy to do but figure that as long as that’s the way they feel, why shouldn’t I think the same thing?? And really, if the blacks are gonna be “sharing” people like Michael Jackson, Obamoron, most of the NBA and most of the prison population I would just as soon they keep them to their fucking selves.

How Many Blacks Are in Prison?

Now here’s the thing, Michael Jackson and Jamie Foxx are MORE THAN HAPPY to take whitey’s money in exchange for their so-called “entertainment” (although by the time obamoron gets done with his health care plan, cap in trade and endless fucking bailouts no one will have a dime left to spend on retarded shit like Michael Jackson Beatles tributes and whatever half-assed comedy act loser douchebag Jamie Foxx is trying to sell, but these are subject for other posts), so next time before you open your stupid fucking piehole and say some assinine shit about “sharing” remember who it is that writes your fucking paycheck.

Well, today we have a double header of abject fucking stupidity for you. I was trying to decide which bunch of morons to write about today and I just couldn’t make up my mind, so I think I’ll share some happy thoughts about both of them.
First, let’s talk about morons in Minnesota. I am talking mostly about the roughly half of the population stupid enough to have voted for that completely fucking retarded, washed-up, unfunny, so-called comedian and wanna-be pornographer by the name of Al Franken. Now, I have said for years that 90% of the population is WAY too stupid to be allowed to vote, and if the election of Obamoron didn’t prove my point in spades (no pun intended- I am not racist I hate everyone equally), then the so-called election of Al Franken certainly should. I mean, I have NEVER been able to understand the alleged “logic” of a liberal, but Al Franken is so God damn stupid it absolutely boggles my mind that even the most tree-hugging, patchouli-oil-drenched, sandal-wearing, environmentalist fuckhead “progressive” would even give a thought to voting for him. But enough about the voters and the fuckhead who is now allegedly the 60th communist senator, I personally am far more disappointed with Norm “I quit” Coleman. Only after Obamoron and his socialist congress have managed to completely destroy this country will the full weight of what I am saying be recognized. Norm Coleman just might be the person single-most responsible for the fallout from the next 3+ years of destruction these idiots will cause. He had NOT run out of appeals, he just flat gave up. Personally, it makes me wanna vomit.

OK, now for Bernie FuckHead Madoff…. Now, as if this guy wasn’t a big enough douchebag all on his own, all of a sudden we are supposed to feel bad for all his so-called “victims”? I don’t fucking think so. Listen, and listen well because this is NO different than EnRon. NOBODY forced ANYONE to invest a dime in Madoff’s bullshit, and NO ONE was EVER forced to put a DIME of their own money in EnRon either. Why then, did they do it? How did we get another huge class of “victims”? GREED, pure and simple. Unadulterated and unashamed GREED. And I will NOT feel bad for a single one of them. These people made bad choices with their money, they got screwed and it is THEIR fault. While they MAY be “victims” of Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme, above and beyond that they are victims of their own greed and I sincerely hope I am not the only person on this fucking planet who can see this. Do I think Madoff is a cocksucker scumbag who should die in prison? Oh, yes. He is WAY beyond the normal limits of moronic stupidity we normally see here at The Daily Retard, but he is NOT the only person responsible.