Automated Customer Service
Well, like I tweeted earlier today, I have had it right up to my fucking eyeballs with automated phone systems when you call customer service. After spending 10 minutes punching through automated menu systems to do such things as “better assist me” and “streamline the call process” and countless other ridiculous catch phrases thought up in boardrooms and planning committees full of retarded fucking morons who don’t have anything better to do than come up with ways to complicated unnecessarily even the simplest of procedures, I just fucking LOVE IT when someone with a pulse actually answers the call (thanking me, of course, for my patience), only to ask me the same fucking shit I just typed (or spoke if you happen to be one of the last three people on the PLANET with a rotary phone)! How the fuck is this helpful? Why the fuck can’t they just have someone to answer the god damned phone????

Case in point- my internet connection was fucked up ALL DAY yesterday. Pages were taking forever to load, the connection was dropping and failing miserable the tests at both speedtest.net and pingtest.net. So I got off to work and figure it should be sorted by the time I get home. 7 hours later, and same old shit. I try resetting the router and cable modem- no luck. I try removing the splitter and plugging the AC cord directly into the wall outlet- no luck. I try eliminating the router all together and going directly from the cable outlet to the modem to the computer via USB- no luck. So at this point we’ve managed to narrow it down to SOMETHING that is the cable company’s problem, either the modem or the signal on the line. So I throw down 4 BIG shots of Jack Daniels and get ready to call in…. Keep in mind, it’s 1:00 AM. After spending 10 minutes “describing” my problem to the automated system, being told about the “unexpectedly high call volume”, told repeatedly how much my “business is appreciated”, being told for faster service I should visit cablecompany.com (oh, yeah, why didn’t I think of that? What better way to get resolution to an internet connection problem than to VISIT A FUCKING WEBSITE???), entering various security information like my phone number, alternate phone number, house number, ZIP code, social security number, wedding anniversary, city of birth, mother’s maiden name, the name of the third school I attended, high school mascot, name of my first pet, my middle child’s blood type and clotting factor, and my brithday; I FINALLY get through to some VERY pleasant woman named Michelle. I don’t think Michelle likes her job very much…. But she DID speak English, so at least there was that. After “describing the problem” AGAIN, Michelle then decided to run some remote tests on the modem. It turns out she WAS able to verify that it wasn’t working. Well no fucking shit- if it worked I wouldn’t be calling!!! So now I’ve got nearly 20 minutes of my life I WILL NEVER GET BACK invested into a phone call that so far has done nothing but verify I problem I already knew I had. Michelle has now informed me that my modem isn’t connected to the internet. But wait, I say, it is working it’s just working VERY slow. No, she says, it’s not working at all. How does she know this?, I ask. Because her computer said so. But wait, I say. My computer says it IS working because I just logged in to The Daily Retard to approve a comment, but it took 8 fucking minutes to get there. Now, it seems, we have a discrepancy as to what the “problem” is, the last 25 minutes have apparently been a complete fucking waste, since now we can’t seem to agree on the “nature of the problem”. What next, I ask…. She says they will need to schedule a service appointment. OK fine, I say, just get my fucking internet fixed because there is a lot of retarded shit going on that I need to be bitching about. Fine, she says… But before she can do that, she just has to “verify a few security items”, to make sure she is talking to the right person. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! What the hell did I do all that shit for already? And how the fuck were you able to test MY modem, if you weren’t sure it was fucking ME you were talking to???? So back we go through the whole fucking list, only to determine that the earliest a tech can visit is Tuesday between 8AM and 1PM (thanks ALOT for narrowing THAT down to half the fucking day). So I set it up, thinking I can rant and rage from Caribou in the morning (by now it’s nearly 2AM). She says if the internet is working in the morning, the “system” will detect it and should auto-cancel the service call. Fair enough- I get up this morning and it IS working just fine. But I get thinking, I better just check on the “system” to make sure there won’t be some cable guy at the house at 8AM wanting to fix a problem that no longer exists, and send me a bill for it…. .So I call in AGAIN, go through the automation bullshit “to allow me a better customer service experience” and believe it or not, the appointment was still in the system…. Well, after only an additional 25 minutes of my life I will NEVER get back, we were able to get the appointment canceled. I will keep you posted tomorrow as to whether or not the cable guy pays me a visit…
Mary Landrieu and the Louisiana Purchase
Well, after the clusterfuck with the cable company I was gonna let the political stupidity go for today, but this worthless bitch senator Mary Landrieu from Louisiana is NOT getting a pass on what is, simply put, outright theft from the American people, and a bald-faced BRIBE from douchebag of the week Harry Reid. As if the fact that Harry “Asshat” Reid BOUGHT (and by bought I mean BRIBED) her cloture vote with $100,000,000.00 neatly tucked into the abortion of a health care bill the senate Commies managed to puke up in their little committee meetings, this worthless sack of thieving SHIT comes out to correct the terms of the deal, er… BRIBE. “Oh, no, it wasn’t $100,000,000 of hard-earned US taxpayer dollars “redistributed” from the federal government to the state of Louisiana, it’s $300,000,000.00! Get it right, guys!”
Somebody please tell me what the fucking fuck this is?? Do yourself a favor and WATCH the video- and listen to the LameStream media FUCKHEADS actually try to justify this bullshit. A THREE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR CARROT?? Are you fucking KIDDING ME??? This is so fucked up on so many levels I can’t even really figure out where to start. I do know this much- these scumbags CANNOT be allowed to continue to operate like this. OR…. maybe I have o-dumbo and his merry bunch of cummie fuckheads figured all wrong- maybe THIS is the transparency he promised. No more back-room hidden deals, just throw all the shit right out in the open for everyone to see…..