The Daily Retard Blog about Stupid People Idiots and Morons on Video

OK motherfuckers I am back and I am mad as fucking hell today. The focus of today’s tirade will be slimebag credit card company Capital One. If you came here looking for The Retard’s thoughts on politics of the day, fret not and scroll down. But if you wanna hear about my thoughts on these bloodsucking motherfuckers at Capital One, do I have a treat for you….

So listen, in the interest of being honest and up-front with my readers, because you all are ultimately the ones I care about and as such you all deserve the truth. Before I get into telling you EXACTLY how fucking STUPID Capital One credit cards are, and the kind of shit they pull, let me say this. In March of 2007 I filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It is not something I am proud of. However, over time it is something I have learned not to be terribly ashamed of, either. It is simply something that happened as a result of circumstances both in AND out of my control. Mrs. Retard had medical bills. We just had twins in addition to my (at that time) 4 year old. Shortly after I had quit my part time job (because even though I don’t sleep much, I DO need a little every day), I got laid off from my full-time job. The housing market was just beginning it’s downward spiral, we had nothing left to borrow against and a nearly $6,000.00 per month drop in income. You do the math. It is (was) what it is (was).
Anyway, included in part of my bankruptcy estate were two accounts with Capital One totally round-about $4,000.00 that were discharged under the bankruptcy court. Like I said, it was what it was. I felt bad about not being able to repay the debt, but the money was not there. Now, if this was the end of the story it wouldn’t be nearly as retarded as it is. So here goes- NOT EVEN TWO WEEKS after my bankruptcy was discharged, I get a “pre-approved” credit offer from Capital One! A $3500.00 credit line, no less…. Well, I am thinking what better way to get a good credit rating re-established than to get a new credit card and use it to pay it off…. So I accept the pre approved credit line and get to charging. AND PAYING! This goes on for a year or so, charging small balances and paying them in full every month. Hey, The Retard LEARNED something from the classes and shit about responsible use of credit- YEA! Then, the tranny goes out in Mrs. Retard’s Jeep and bada-bing: $2500.00 goes onto the Capital One credit card to get a new tranny installed. And what do these motherfuckers do???? You guessed it! Raise the interest rate from 11% to 25%! For no fucking reason whatsoever.

Now there are laws against this sort of shit. Universal Default is what they call it. Basically, it’s a practice whereby scumbag asswipe credit card companies will raise your interest rate and/or cancel your account due to “bad performance” with another lender. Essentially it means you don’t have to pay Capital One late in order for them to change terms of your agreement. BUT…. and this is a BIG BUT, they claim they don’t engage in this behavior! So when I asked them why in the fuck they raised my rate, they said it was “to maintain profitability on the account”. WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!! Now, as part of these “change in account terms”, you have the right to “refuse” the change in terms by canceling your account and paying it off under the existing terms. Sounds great, right? Well, if you understand ANYTHING about the way credit scoring works you will see the total assfuck involved in this move. Your credit rating is based on a number of things, one of which is the percentage of credit USED vs. the percentage of credit AVAILABLE. So, for arguments sake and to make the numbers work easily, let’s say you have 4 credit cards each with a $2500.00 credit limit. Let’s say you have a balance due on each of $250.00. Your “utilization” is 10%, which is not at all bad… Now, let’s say the tranny on your Jeep goes out and you have to charge $2500.00 to fix it. Your total credit used has just gone from $1000.00 to $3500.00, against a total credit line available of $10,000.00. So your “utilization rate” has SPIKED to 35%, which is still not AWFUL but it not nearly as good. Now, to further compound the credit screwjob these assholes like Capital One try to pull, let’s say you close the account (AFTER they dubiously attempt to raise your interest rate). So, you still owe $3500.00, but your total credit available just dropped by 25% to $7500.00 which is a “utilization rate” of 46.7% which will DEFINITELY have a negative impact on your credit score. Are you starting to see how these loser scumbag credit card companies operate??? Oh just wait, because it gets better!
One thing I didn’t mention is that Mrs. Retard DIDN’T file bankruptcy…. She had an OLD (like 5 years old) Capital One credit card that very rarely had a balance. Shortly after they decide to “maintain profitability on MY account, they pull the same shit with HER! Now in the 5 year history of her credit card account there was almost NEVER a balance and NEVER a single late payment! BUT, the assholes at Capital One decided they also needed to “maintain profitability” on her account and they jack her rate up as well! So we decide, FUCK CAPITAL ONE and cancel both accounts, pay them off under the existing terms and try to minimize the damage to our credit ratings. Now as Ron White would say, “I told you that story so I could tell you this story”…. What the fuck do you suppose shows up in the mail last week? You guessed it! Brand new “pre-approved credit card offers” from Capital One for BOTH OF US! This has got to be the dumbest most retarded thing I have ever fucking heard of (well OK, except for ObaMarx and Botoxi)….

These stupid communist lying motherfuckers in the White House have really sunk to a new low with this shit. They KNOW good and God damned well their “stimulus” (read:Porkulus) bill is an complete and total EPIC FUCKING FAILURE. The KNOW they are TOO FUCKING STUPID to ever be able to fix the economy. They KNOW good and fucking well they are going to be TORCHED in the mid-term elections in 2010. They KNOW they are fucked. And this is the part that should simultaneously scare the living shit out of you AND piss you off to no fucking end…. THEY THINK YOU ARE STUPID! So what do they do to try to “spin” the EPIC FUCKING FAILURE OF EACH AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING POLICY THOSE STUPID LIBERAL MORON FUCKHEAD JACKASSES HAVE ENACTED SINCE THE DAY THAT IDIOT TOOK THE OATH OF OFFICE AND DESECRATED THE WHITE HOUSE WITH HIS ILLEGAL PRESENCE?????

They “invent” hundreds of millions of dollars spent and thousands of jobs “created and saved” in congressional districts all across the country that don’t even fucking exist! Boy, this sure in the fuck is “transparency” and a “change you can believe in”….. I will leave you for today with a video to watch and a simple question- What the FUCK is it going to take to convince people that this IDIOT needs to be removed from office? How much MORE damage are we going to allow this obamination of an administration to cause before coming to our collective senses and booting his sorry ass THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?????

Just a quick little update here, as the results are not final yet, but, like that asspuppet in the Verizon commercial says, “Do you hear me now?”. As in, like the title says, “DO YOU STUPID LIBERAL MOTHERFUCKERS HERE ME NOW????” Thank God almighty for the good sense of the people in New Jersey and Virginia. At time of posting, Fox IS calling Virginia for Robert F. McDonnell and they are holding off calling New Jersey for Chris Christie instead of liberal douchbag Corzine but I have faith, brothers! As far as NY23, those stupid liberal motherfuckers can go straight-up FUCK THEMSELVES. That stupid liberal RINO bitch Scuzzafuckhead can bend over and shove that abortion of a health care bill up her ass one page at a time. That turncoat piece of shit, endorsing the fucking democrat, makes me want to fucking vomit…
We are not even CLOSE to being finished getting rid of these liberal Marxism scumbag America-hating, Constitution-ignoring, nation-destroying communist stupid dumbass motherfuckers, BUT…. even a president as Obaminably STUPID as hussein and the rest of his left wing radical dumbass fuckhead administration *should* be able to see that people DO NOT WANT ANY MORE OF THEIR LIBERAL BULLSHIT. We are talking about counties and districts that voted for the Obamoron by a large majority that have now done almost a total and complete 180, and gone for the Republicans. THIS IS GOOD NEWS, BROTHERS!!!
This is all I have for you tonight, I will end my post with a video of the USS New York. If any of you are ignorant enough NOT to know the story about this, it is the new Navy ship built from the steel salvaged from Ground Zero of the Twin Towers. The great Americans who had a hand in building this great warship were overwhelmed with pride and emotion, many were moved to tears realizing the true weight of their contribution and the gravity of the legacy they were creating. As I watched the live footage of her pulling into New York harbor, it was hard for me to contain my emotions. What a fantastic and fitting tribute to the 2998 Americans murdered by cocksucker scumbag muslim terrorists on that awful day. Please watch and enjoy the story.

***EDIT- Oh thank fucking Christ! As I was getting ready to publish this post, Fox has called the race in NJ for Christie. Corzine, you liberal scumbag asspuppet, enjoy your retirement MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Jesus Christ, that is a fucking faggotty-sounding title for a blog post, isn’t it??? And before all y’all get all wound up about the use of the word faggot, just calm the fuck down. I am NOT homophobic. I think everyone should be free to run around fucking whoever they want to (kids aside you sick fuckers). Kinda like the government runs around fucking us all the time…. Here’s the problem with all this gay-rights bullshit, hate crime legislation and stupid faggots protesting about shit. First, you would be just as stupid whether you are gay or not. Intelligence and common sense don’t seem to have a discernible relationship to what you choose to do with either your cock or the cocks of others. What pisses me off are the ones that feel the need to run around shouting at the fucking rooftops about their gayness. Hey, suck as much c*ck as you want to, but keep it to your fucking self! If straight people ran around having “Straight Pride” parades we would likely be labeled racist or sexist or some other stupid fucking liberal buzzword that ends in an -ist and is basically a left-wing euphemism for the “vast right-wing conspiracy” of evil male Republicans or some other fucking bullshit. This is the kind of shit I can’t figure out- if a bunch of “straight” guys beat up or kill or to whatever to a bunch of gays, this is somehow a more serious crime than if the dude who gets his ass beat is NOT gay? What the fuck is that about??? Seriously, how fucking insecure do you have to be to give a fuck what some other guy does in the bedroom? But HERE’S the point- if you are a gay guy then keep your bedroom shit IN THE FUCKING BEDROOM and out of our faces!

OK, I got a little off on a tangent there about all the gay shit, it wasn’t what I intended to write about when I started this post. But I have been known to get off on tangents, so deal with it. Anyway, I was reading some blogs written by people that are far more interesting than I am and strange thoughts started coming into my head. I don’t know if Dr. Dave’s ADHD is contagious or what….
Anyway, I haven’t had a “real job” since I broke my foot in three places almost a year ago…
Who’s uglier, Mama Obama or Oprah????

Why in the fuck does it have to snow here in October???
Why Obama will Fail (again, only using husseins “real” name to properly quote and link to the article)….
Why the hell do the 87 different cartoon channels I have for the short people who live in my house play the same shit over and over again????
Is FoodTV chef Ina Garten wider than she is tall???
Is Nancy Pelosi really the Anti-Christ??? Or is she really a man???
Why do people feel the need to voice their opinions when it comes to my own personal matters????
And of course the classic, which never fails to crack me up- if a man talks in the woods and there isn’t a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong????

Today’s ScumBag Asshole Award goes to 26-year old Harvard Law Grad and native Texan Brian Schroeder, for setting fire to “Memorial Park, a weatherproof tent on Manhattan’s East Side where the city is storing the remains of 9/11 victims who have yet to be identified.” Quoted from ABC, read the entire article at Death by 1000 Papercuts. I have no idea what the fuck would have to be wrong with someone to make them want to further desecrate the site and victims of September 11, but for your retarded-ness Mr. Schroder, you are hereby noted as the lastest ScumBag Asshole Award from The Daily Retard. Have fun in prison!!

OK, for those you who have difficulty with numbers…. as of the time of this posting (Halloween 2009), the national debt is just shy of 12 TRILLION DOLLARS. That is 12 followed by 12 FUCKING ZEROS. It is really an almost incomprehensible number. It helps just slightly when you break it down to what it costs each US Citizen (as of Halloween 2009 it’s almost $39,000.00 per citizen). I hope you fuckers appreciate the extra time I took from my busy schedule of bitching about everything to find a widget-thingy that would show the national debt in terms of cost per citizen that was NOT full of annoying popup ads. The only fucking ads showing on this little bloggy here are ones The Retard gets paid for. Because like I said, web hosting ain’t free, dumbass.
Anyway, this post is gonna be stickied to the top of the Daily Retard blog for as long as the site runs before the assault on the Constitution being carried out by Oba-Marx is finally successful in getting the First Amendment and my right to free speech repealed. God willing, that will never happen….

As it has come to my attention that my language might be considered offensive to some of the more delicate readers here, I thought I would address this issue. First, notice the “Parental Advisory” warning up above. If words like SHIT,FUCK,ASS,BITCH,HELL,ETC…. offend you, feel free to fuck the fucking fuck off and get the fuck out of here. This is my fucking blog and I will say whatever the fuck I fucking want to, whether any of you fucks fucking like it or not. In fucking fact, here’s a fucking video I found on fucking youtube about just how fucking usefel the fucking word “fuck” is. Fuck!

Now, it is WELL worth the 2-1/2 minutes it take to watch this video. Although it is an older one and I am SURE you’ve seen it before, it never fails to crack me up.
Now, onto the reason WHY I swear so much. In a word- anger. But anger doesn’t really begin to cover it. I left a little comment over at my buddy Dr. Dave’s Feed Your ADHD Blog where I went a little further into detail, and now I will put this fucking issue to bed here and now, for you readers, forever.
The shit that I see these liberal cocksuckers in Washington doing pisses me the fuck off. It makes me seeth. I get so fucking mad I shake my fists and hit things. I pound on my couch. I scream at the top of my lungs. I pound on the center console of my big gas-guzzling, rain-forest-destroying, global-warming-contributing, Hemi-powered, redneck-driven, big-ass, bad-ass Dodge Ram. I RAGE at what these people are doing to the country. I get absolutely fucking IRATE that people couldn’t see this coming when the obamoron asspuppet was campaining, spewing his outright lies and bullshit. I watch the news and see the continued flood of more and more lies and I want to throw a brick through my TV set. I listed to people who still think that these liberal asshole fuckheads are doing a good job and I want to hit them in the face with a hammer. I watch the mainstream lapdog kissass media and I realize that, for a good many Americans, this is their ONLY source of news and it makes me absolutely fucking psychotic. Every time I see hussein on TV spouting off his unending string of bullshit, outright lies and campaign-speak I get so fucking mad I can’t see straight. I read about our good American boys killed overseas fighting a war our Communist-in-Chief refuses to support and it tears my heart out. I see the daily assault on our Founding Fathers principles, the Constitution, our Bill of Rights, personal liberties, economic freedom and the Federalist ideals upon which this great country was founded. All these things are literally being pissed on DAILY by the liberal assholes in Washington and I get so fucking MAD I don’t know what else to do but let it out here. So, now you know…..
I am gonna end this post with a picture I found over at The Black Sphere. I am NOT an artistic person, but this image sums up in great detail the point of this post, my blog in general, and my feelings as a whole about what is going on and why I do what I do.