The Idiots of the Porcupine Creek Gold Mine

Let’s take a look at the impetus for my resurrection of the Daily Retard, because I know it’s gotta be killing you guys to find out why after 9 months offline I finally decided to bring this bitch back from the dead. That would be Gold Rush- Alaska. Possibly the biggest bunch of stupid fucking idiot morons ever assembled anywhere outside of a state OR national capital. I mean, I LOVE the thought of a bunch of unemployed losers getting together to head north to Alaska and start mining for gold- I think it’s fucking awesome and a real testament to the fact that the American Dream is still alive and well. When I started watching the show I was thinking it was really going to be a great one- until the first commercial break that is. It only took about 10 minutes for anyone with an IQ above room temperature (which sadly their group had none of) to realize that bunch of idiots was more than likely too stupid to keep from killing each other, much less EVER find any gold up there.

Let’s take a look at the cast of characters and expose the idiocy for what it is…. First off, we have Todd Hoffman. The supposed leader of the crew, I think about the only thing he could ever lead would be a charge to the head of the line at the Golden Corral all-you-can-eat buffet. I don’t think he could possibly stop eating long enough to even get an excavator started. And Jack, the dad with “years of mining experience” needed to have someone flown in from 2000 miles away to show him how to dig a fucking HOLE! Seriously! Thurber, the owner of a sheet metal shop, didn’t even know how to run a fucking welder. And Harness, the mechanic, spent HALF THE SEASON in his trailer suffering from one ailment after another, supposedly due to car accidents and numerous injuries from the past. Well for FUCK’S SAKE- if you were going to be 30 miles into the middle of nowhere will hundreds of thousands of dollars in mechanical equipment, each and every single piece critical to the success of your operation, don’t you fucking think you should have brought someone worth a half a shit to try to keep it running? Remsburg was probably the most competent of the bunch, which is a pretty sad thing to say when you look at the amount of time he spent logging and building a house on the claim instead of trying to get the mining operation off the ground. I mean seriously, he was the site foreman and he spent half the show working on his house with a carpenter buddy. What the fucking FUCK is that???? And Dorsey- well, what do I really need to say about that dipshit. I mean, why was he even allowed to make the trip at all????? Let’s take a look at the “apology” between Greg and Dorsey in this video, as well as learn about Dorsey’s plan to become a fisherman LMMFAO!

Now as if that simple fact isn’t glaringly obvious, you owe it to yourself to watch this video of Al Gore on CNN trying to say that the ClimateGate emails are “out of context” and a “controversy without real substance”. Now, the asskissing in this clip is enough to make my fucking stomach turn, and seeing Al Gore makes me want to smash things with a hammer, but you owe it to yourself to watch it and see the kind of bullshit these liberal fuckheads continue to spew, when faced with undeniable proof of the junk science that is global warming.

These fuckhead treehugging idiot dumbfuck jackass retarded fuckhead morons are so out of touch with reality there really is no hope for them. And Al Gore has got to be the ringleader of the three ring circus of lies and bullshit, even though HE ADMITS HE HASN’T READ ALL THE EMAILS. This is the kind of shit that happens when you take a bunch of elitist liberal dumbasses like college professors and PHD’s, give them a BUNCH of government grants to play around in labs to advance your ridiculous liberal agenda of “global warming” and they actually discover the truth- that there is no such thing. But- if the truth were to get out, how many millions (or billions) of dollars would they lose? Not to mention the fact that they would be forced to face the fact that their own beliefs are dead wrong. These fucking asspuppets- Al Gore, the “scientists” (and I use that term pretty loosely in this case), the fuckheads at this Copenhagen summit, and every other stupid liberal tree-hugging, Prius-driving, global-warming-believing idiot on the planet- are a bunch of soul-less pieces of whaleshit and they all deserve to rest at the bottom of the ocean because after all, that’s where the whaleshit belongs.

For the purpose of this discussion, I am referring to the dumbass liberals inside the beltway, that merry bunch of elected fuckheads responsible for the current state of affairs in this country and in such complete and total blind denial of the damage they have already caused and continue to cause that they march ever forward advancing their Marxist agenda without a single thought or consideration to what they are doing to our Country. I think what the REAL problem with these fucktards is that they are so totally insulated from any semblance of what normal Americans call reality they honestly have NO CLUE what they are doing to us. Look for a minute at the strongholds of so-called liberals in our society- the Hollywood elite, tenured college professors (and the education system in general), organized labor union leaders and the mainstream media. I mean, for Christ’s sake! NO ONE in ANY of those groups has EVER had an actual job, any idea how to actually work for a living, no idea how to create anything, no experience whatsoever in the real world. And THESE are the people that are “advising” the dumbass liberals who currently hold an overwhelming and likely unconstitutional majority in Washington. How the fuck can you blame them for their stupidity?? I mean, if dumbass liberals had any common sense, they wouldn’t BE liberal so the puppets continue to let the above-mention groups of fucking retarded idiot morons continue to pull their strings, rather than listening to the deafening (and growing DAILY) roar of the American public SCREAMING at them that we don’t want the bill of goods they are trying to sell- by “sell” of course I mean shove down our collective throats and shove up our collective asses.

So I was driving around today in my big-ass Hemi-powered, rainforest-destroying, gas-guzzling Dodge Ram and listening to talk radio and I heard some numbers that actually made me smile from ear to fucking ear…. Apparently, depending on the source, Ba-Cracked Insane Obamarx’s approval numbers are anywhere from the mid-40′s to the upper 30′s- inching ever closer to actually being lower the unemployment rate which as you recall I predicted would happen. A mere 30% of Americans approve of what the dumass liberals in Congress are doing. 30 FUCKING PERCENT! Are you kidding me? For a government of the polls, by the polls and for the polls you would THINK this MIGHT get the fuckheads to take a little notice but so far I haven’t seen it. But this last one here is my favorite- nearly HALF the country would rather still have Dubya as president than the current Obamination living in the religion-neutral-for-Christmas White House. What more proof do you need that the jackass hates America? What the FUCK is more American than Christmas??? One more bit of good news- 20% of Americans want Ba-Cracked Insane Obamarx impeached! I have no idea what the HELL is wrong with the other 80%, but I guess the “hope” I have is that they will “change” their minds….

Automated Customer Service

Well, like I tweeted earlier today, I have had it right up to my fucking eyeballs with automated phone systems when you call customer service. After spending 10 minutes punching through automated menu systems to do such things as “better assist me” and “streamline the call process” and countless other ridiculous catch phrases thought up in boardrooms and planning committees full of retarded fucking morons who don’t have anything better to do than come up with ways to complicated unnecessarily even the simplest of procedures, I just fucking LOVE IT when someone with a pulse actually answers the call (thanking me, of course, for my patience), only to ask me the same fucking shit I just typed (or spoke if you happen to be one of the last three people on the PLANET with a rotary phone)! How the fuck is this helpful? Why the fuck can’t they just have someone to answer the god damned phone????

Case in point- my internet connection was fucked up ALL DAY yesterday. Pages were taking forever to load, the connection was dropping and failing miserable the tests at both speedtest.net and pingtest.net. So I got off to work and figure it should be sorted by the time I get home. 7 hours later, and same old shit. I try resetting the router and cable modem- no luck. I try removing the splitter and plugging the AC cord directly into the wall outlet- no luck. I try eliminating the router all together and going directly from the cable outlet to the modem to the computer via USB- no luck. So at this point we’ve managed to narrow it down to SOMETHING that is the cable company’s problem, either the modem or the signal on the line. So I throw down 4 BIG shots of Jack Daniels and get ready to call in…. Keep in mind, it’s 1:00 AM. After spending 10 minutes “describing” my problem to the automated system, being told about the “unexpectedly high call volume”, told repeatedly how much my “business is appreciated”, being told for faster service I should visit cablecompany.com (oh, yeah, why didn’t I think of that? What better way to get resolution to an internet connection problem than to VISIT A FUCKING WEBSITE???), entering various security information like my phone number, alternate phone number, house number, ZIP code, social security number, wedding anniversary, city of birth, mother’s maiden name, the name of the third school I attended, high school mascot, name of my first pet, my middle child’s blood type and clotting factor, and my brithday; I FINALLY get through to some VERY pleasant woman named Michelle. I don’t think Michelle likes her job very much…. But she DID speak English, so at least there was that. After “describing the problem” AGAIN, Michelle then decided to run some remote tests on the modem. It turns out she WAS able to verify that it wasn’t working. Well no fucking shit- if it worked I wouldn’t be calling!!! So now I’ve got nearly 20 minutes of my life I WILL NEVER GET BACK invested into a phone call that so far has done nothing but verify I problem I already knew I had. Michelle has now informed me that my modem isn’t connected to the internet. But wait, I say, it is working it’s just working VERY slow. No, she says, it’s not working at all. How does she know this?, I ask. Because her computer said so. But wait, I say. My computer says it IS working because I just logged in to The Daily Retard to approve a comment, but it took 8 fucking minutes to get there. Now, it seems, we have a discrepancy as to what the “problem” is, the last 25 minutes have apparently been a complete fucking waste, since now we can’t seem to agree on the “nature of the problem”. What next, I ask…. She says they will need to schedule a service appointment. OK fine, I say, just get my fucking internet fixed because there is a lot of retarded shit going on that I need to be bitching about. Fine, she says… But before she can do that, she just has to “verify a few security items”, to make sure she is talking to the right person. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! What the hell did I do all that shit for already? And how the fuck were you able to test MY modem, if you weren’t sure it was fucking ME you were talking to???? So back we go through the whole fucking list, only to determine that the earliest a tech can visit is Tuesday between 8AM and 1PM (thanks ALOT for narrowing THAT down to half the fucking day). So I set it up, thinking I can rant and rage from Caribou in the morning (by now it’s nearly 2AM). She says if the internet is working in the morning, the “system” will detect it and should auto-cancel the service call. Fair enough- I get up this morning and it IS working just fine. But I get thinking, I better just check on the “system” to make sure there won’t be some cable guy at the house at 8AM wanting to fix a problem that no longer exists, and send me a bill for it…. .So I call in AGAIN, go through the automation bullshit “to allow me a better customer service experience” and believe it or not, the appointment was still in the system…. Well, after only an additional 25 minutes of my life I will NEVER get back, we were able to get the appointment canceled. I will keep you posted tomorrow as to whether or not the cable guy pays me a visit…

Well, after the clusterfuck with the cable company I was gonna let the political stupidity go for today, but this worthless bitch senator Mary Landrieu from Louisiana is NOT getting a pass on what is, simply put, outright theft from the American people, and a bald-faced BRIBE from douchebag of the week Harry Reid. As if the fact that Harry “Asshat” Reid BOUGHT (and by bought I mean BRIBED) her cloture vote with $100,000,000.00 neatly tucked into the abortion of a health care bill the senate Commies managed to puke up in their little committee meetings, this worthless sack of thieving SHIT comes out to correct the terms of the deal, er… BRIBE. “Oh, no, it wasn’t $100,000,000 of hard-earned US taxpayer dollars “redistributed” from the federal government to the state of Louisiana, it’s $300,000,000.00! Get it right, guys!”

Somebody please tell me what the fucking fuck this is?? Do yourself a favor and WATCH the video- and listen to the LameStream media FUCKHEADS actually try to justify this bullshit. A THREE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR CARROT?? Are you fucking KIDDING ME??? This is so fucked up on so many levels I can’t even really figure out where to start. I do know this much- these scumbags CANNOT be allowed to continue to operate like this. OR…. maybe I have o-dumbo and his merry bunch of cummie fuckheads figured all wrong- maybe THIS is the transparency he promised. No more back-room hidden deals, just throw all the shit right out in the open for everyone to see…..

So listen, in the interest of being honest and up-front with my readers, because you all are ultimately the ones I care about and as such you all deserve the truth. Before I get into telling you EXACTLY how fucking STUPID Capital One credit cards are, and the kind of shit they pull, let me say this. In March of 2007 I filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It is not something I am proud of. However, over time it is something I have learned not to be terribly ashamed of, either. It is simply something that happened as a result of circumstances both in AND out of my control. Mrs. Retard had medical bills. We just had twins in addition to my (at that time) 4 year old. Shortly after I had quit my part time job (because even though I don’t sleep much, I DO need a little every day), I got laid off from my full-time job. The housing market was just beginning it’s downward spiral, we had nothing left to borrow against and a nearly $6,000.00 per month drop in income. You do the math. It is (was) what it is (was).
Anyway, included in part of my bankruptcy estate were two accounts with Capital One totally round-about $4,000.00 that were discharged under the bankruptcy court. Like I said, it was what it was. I felt bad about not being able to repay the debt, but the money was not there. Now, if this was the end of the story it wouldn’t be nearly as retarded as it is. So here goes- NOT EVEN TWO WEEKS after my bankruptcy was discharged, I get a “pre-approved” credit offer from Capital One! A $3500.00 credit line, no less…. Well, I am thinking what better way to get a good credit rating re-established than to get a new credit card and use it to pay it off…. So I accept the pre approved credit line and get to charging. AND PAYING! This goes on for a year or so, charging small balances and paying them in full every month. Hey, The Retard LEARNED something from the classes and shit about responsible use of credit- YEA! Then, the tranny goes out in Mrs. Retard’s Jeep and bada-bing: $2500.00 goes onto the Capital One credit card to get a new tranny installed. And what do these motherfuckers do???? You guessed it! Raise the interest rate from 11% to 25%! For no fucking reason whatsoever.

Now there are laws against this sort of shit. Universal Default is what they call it. Basically, it’s a practice whereby scumbag asswipe credit card companies will raise your interest rate and/or cancel your account due to “bad performance” with another lender. Essentially it means you don’t have to pay Capital One late in order for them to change terms of your agreement. BUT…. and this is a BIG BUT, they claim they don’t engage in this behavior! So when I asked them why in the fuck they raised my rate, they said it was “to maintain profitability on the account”. WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!! Now, as part of these “change in account terms”, you have the right to “refuse” the change in terms by canceling your account and paying it off under the existing terms. Sounds great, right? Well, if you understand ANYTHING about the way credit scoring works you will see the total assfuck involved in this move. Your credit rating is based on a number of things, one of which is the percentage of credit USED vs. the percentage of credit AVAILABLE. So, for arguments sake and to make the numbers work easily, let’s say you have 4 credit cards each with a $2500.00 credit limit. Let’s say you have a balance due on each of $250.00. Your “utilization” is 10%, which is not at all bad… Now, let’s say the tranny on your Jeep goes out and you have to charge $2500.00 to fix it. Your total credit used has just gone from $1000.00 to $3500.00, against a total credit line available of $10,000.00. So your “utilization rate” has SPIKED to 35%, which is still not AWFUL but it not nearly as good. Now, to further compound the credit screwjob these assholes like Capital One try to pull, let’s say you close the account (AFTER they dubiously attempt to raise your interest rate). So, you still owe $3500.00, but your total credit available just dropped by 25% to $7500.00 which is a “utilization rate” of 46.7% which will DEFINITELY have a negative impact on your credit score. Are you starting to see how these loser scumbag credit card companies operate??? Oh just wait, because it gets better!
One thing I didn’t mention is that Mrs. Retard DIDN’T file bankruptcy…. She had an OLD (like 5 years old) Capital One credit card that very rarely had a balance. Shortly after they decide to “maintain profitability on MY account, they pull the same shit with HER! Now in the 5 year history of her credit card account there was almost NEVER a balance and NEVER a single late payment! BUT, the assholes at Capital One decided they also needed to “maintain profitability” on her account and they jack her rate up as well! So we decide, FUCK CAPITAL ONE and cancel both accounts, pay them off under the existing terms and try to minimize the damage to our credit ratings. Now as Ron White would say, “I told you that story so I could tell you this story”…. What the fuck do you suppose shows up in the mail last week? You guessed it! Brand new “pre-approved credit card offers” from Capital One for BOTH OF US! This has got to be the dumbest most retarded thing I have ever fucking heard of (well OK, except for ObaMarx and Botoxi)….

These stupid communist lying motherfuckers in the White House have really sunk to a new low with this shit. They KNOW good and God damned well their “stimulus” (read:Porkulus) bill is an complete and total EPIC FUCKING FAILURE. The KNOW they are TOO FUCKING STUPID to ever be able to fix the economy. They KNOW good and fucking well they are going to be TORCHED in the mid-term elections in 2010. They KNOW they are fucked. And this is the part that should simultaneously scare the living shit out of you AND piss you off to no fucking end…. THEY THINK YOU ARE STUPID! So what do they do to try to “spin” the EPIC FUCKING FAILURE OF EACH AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING POLICY THOSE STUPID LIBERAL MORON FUCKHEAD JACKASSES HAVE ENACTED SINCE THE DAY THAT IDIOT TOOK THE OATH OF OFFICE AND DESECRATED THE WHITE HOUSE WITH HIS ILLEGAL PRESENCE?????

They “invent” hundreds of millions of dollars spent and thousands of jobs “created and saved” in congressional districts all across the country that don’t even fucking exist! Boy, this sure in the fuck is “transparency” and a “change you can believe in”….. I will leave you for today with a video to watch and a simple question- What the FUCK is it going to take to convince people that this IDIOT needs to be removed from office? How much MORE damage are we going to allow this obamination of an administration to cause before coming to our collective senses and booting his sorry ass THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?????

***EDIT- Oh thank fucking Christ! As I was getting ready to publish this post, Fox has called the race in NJ for Christie. Corzine, you liberal scumbag asspuppet, enjoy your retirement MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Gay and Homo Shit

Jesus Christ, that is a fucking faggotty-sounding title for a blog post, isn’t it??? And before all y’all get all wound up about the use of the word faggot, just calm the fuck down. I am NOT homophobic. I think everyone should be free to run around fucking whoever they want to (kids aside you sick fuckers). Kinda like the government runs around fucking us all the time…. Here’s the problem with all this gay-rights bullshit, hate crime legislation and stupid faggots protesting about shit. First, you would be just as stupid whether you are gay or not. Intelligence and common sense don’t seem to have a discernible relationship to what you choose to do with either your cock or the cocks of others. What pisses me off are the ones that feel the need to run around shouting at the fucking rooftops about their gayness. Hey, suck as much c*ck as you want to, but keep it to your fucking self! If straight people ran around having “Straight Pride” parades we would likely be labeled racist or sexist or some other stupid fucking liberal buzzword that ends in an -ist and is basically a left-wing euphemism for the “vast right-wing conspiracy” of evil male Republicans or some other fucking bullshit. This is the kind of shit I can’t figure out- if a bunch of “straight” guys beat up or kill or to whatever to a bunch of gays, this is somehow a more serious crime than if the dude who gets his ass beat is NOT gay? What the fuck is that about??? Seriously, how fucking insecure do you have to be to give a fuck what some other guy does in the bedroom? But HERE’S the point- if you are a gay guy then keep your bedroom shit IN THE FUCKING BEDROOM and out of our faces!

OK, I got a little off on a tangent there about all the gay shit, it wasn’t what I intended to write about when I started this post. But I have been known to get off on tangents, so deal with it. Anyway, I was reading some blogs written by people that are far more interesting than I am and strange thoughts started coming into my head. I don’t know if Dr. Dave’s ADHD is contagious or what….
Anyway, I haven’t had a “real job” since I broke my foot in three places almost a year ago…
Who’s uglier, Mama Obama or Oprah????

Why in the fuck does it have to snow here in October???
Why Obama will Fail (again, only using husseins “real” name to properly quote and link to the article)….
Why the hell do the 87 different cartoon channels I have for the short people who live in my house play the same shit over and over again????
Is FoodTV chef Ina Garten wider than she is tall???
Is Nancy Pelosi really the Anti-Christ??? Or is she really a man???
Why do people feel the need to voice their opinions when it comes to my own personal matters????
And of course the classic, which never fails to crack me up- if a man talks in the woods and there isn’t a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong????

Today’s ScumBag Asshole Award goes to 26-year old Harvard Law Grad and native Texan Brian Schroeder, for setting fire to “Memorial Park, a weatherproof tent on Manhattan’s East Side where the city is storing the remains of 9/11 victims who have yet to be identified.” Quoted from ABC, read the entire article at Death by 1000 Papercuts. I have no idea what the fuck would have to be wrong with someone to make them want to further desecrate the site and victims of September 11, but for your retarded-ness Mr. Schroder, you are hereby noted as the lastest ScumBag Asshole Award from The Daily Retard. Have fun in prison!!

Stupid Gas Station Employees

Earlier today, I made a tweet about being sick to fucking death of going into gas stations, getting in line behind 7 or 8 other people and watching some stupid fat bitch bumblefuck around at the ONLY OPEN REGISTER while 3 or 4 other employees stand around doing nothing rather than doing their fucking jobs- namely checking me out so I can get away from the fucking idiots. That particular tweet was inspired by a human pig that was working at the Holiday station in Stillwater last night. I had actually intended to tweet it yesterday but I got busy at the bar and forgot. Then, it fucking happened to me again this morning! I could not fucking believe it! SEVEN people in line, in the morning, taxpayers on their way to work from the looks of MOST of them, and their is some two-ton cow, apparently on her first solo mission at the cash register, fucking up every single thing she did. All the while, no less than FOUR other employees are standing around in some sort of fully-clothed circle jerk WATCHING the entire circus. Un-fucking-believable…..

This particular story made my fucking blood boil when I caught a bit of it on The O’Rielly Factor tonight, and a quick google search turned up a post about it at The Infidel Bloggers Alliance. Basically what is happening is that the father of 9-11 terrorist attack victim James Gadiel, age 23, who was killed in the north tower, wants the inscription “Murdered by Muslim terrorists” included on any memorial the town would build in honor of his son. Now, these God damn stupid fucking liberals in Kent have decided this might be offensive to Muslims living the community. Well, listen up you dumbasses- the ONLY Muslims it would offend would be a bunch of cock sucking scumbags plotting another terrorist attack. James Gadiel and the other 2,997 people MURDERED on September 11, 2001 deserve better than this.

Today’s ScumBag of the Day Award goes to the bunch of stupid fucking liberals who came up with that health care reform video/commercial/piece of assinine propaganda bullshit featuring kids talking about dying “two years from now” because of some disease or another, because they don’t have health insurance. (I wish to hell I could have found the video, but I had no luck so PLEASE comment with a link if you know where I can embed it.) As if it’s not the about the lowest thing these liberal assbags can do, using kids in their ads, the point is NOT two years from now a kid will die from a disease. THAT will happen regardless of passing or not passing a public option health care bill. The point IS, two years from now this country will be tits-up BANKRUPT if the stupid fucking liberal in Washington manage to somehow ram this death blow down our throats. This is really fucking scary, boys and girls. Because, how does the US go about filing Chapter 7?????

As approval ratings continue to drop for each and every liberal piece of shit senator and representative that support this insanity, obamoron’s approval rating is closing in on the unemployment rate, the American people are SCREAMING we don’t WANT this shit, and countries all around the world are telling us- begging us- not to go down the road of a single-payer system, the assclowns in Washington continue on their merry march towards Socialism and bankrupting the country. Moody’s announced today that the AAA rating of the United States is in jeopardy within 3 to 4 years if this unparalleled (and completely fucking insane) spending spree is not brought under control. What the fuck is it going to take for this bunch of idiots to figure it out?

You are not very often gonna find me saying ANYTHING good at all about the likes of NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN and the rest of the “mainstream” media, but today I gotta give them props. As obamoron continues his massive and illegal power grab on behalf of the federal government, he has recently decided one of the ways to do that will be to try to shgut down Fox News. Let me make something VERY clear. If it were not for Fox News, I truly believe this country would be doomed. After all, the “mainstream” networks are nothing more than liberal lapdogs, blinding spewing the liberal administration’s bullshit and placing their own liberal bias ahead of journalistic integrity- MOST of the time. But today they came through when they decided to boycott the round-robin interview of pay czar Kenneth Feinberg (more on this asspuppet later), because the White House press corps did not invite Fox to the interview. The press pool flat out told the clowns in the White House they would NOT take part in the interviews UNLESS Fox was also allowed access. So for today, I say “Good on ya, commies!” Why would they do this? I honestly believe it’s because they realize if obamoron is able to dismantle the Fox network, they will be next. Reminds me of a little poem:

And now, on to Pay Czar Kenneth Feinberg. Has this silly asshole lost his fucking mind??? I mean, let’s ignore the fact the the idiot who lives in the White House is running around appointing his radical left-wing lunatic buddies to these “czar” positions- and how completely insane it is to have the word czar associated in any way with the elected government of the US. Who the fuck does he think he is, to dictate to private corporations what they can and cannot pay their executives?? Like I said, the absolute fucking insanity of this administration just does not seem to have an end….

Today’s Scumbag Cocksucker Of The Day Award goes to the living piece of human shit who kidnapped and killed the absolutely beautiful 7-year old Florida girl Somer Thompson, and threw her body in the fucking trash. I don’t normally find myself at a loss for words, especially harsh and biting descriptions for shit that I can’t stand, but this douchebag fucking child-molesting fuckball has me at a loss. No matter how hard I try, I can’t really come up with a good enough description for the kind of, well, person isn’t really the right term and animal is insulting to all things cute and cuddly, who would do such a thing. I mean, I am definitely an asshole and I have never denied that. It just boggles my fucking mind and I can only hope and pray this motherfucker is caught. Although, there will be some slimebag lawyer who will take his case and try to get him off. Let me tell you what should happen. When they find this lowlife shiteating piece of fucking child killing shit, he should be publicly crucified. Yep, build a big fucking wooden cross, nail his sorry fucking ass to it and just let him hang there. For weeks. Hell, maybe even months. Yep, let the fucker just about die, then get a doctor to give him just enough treatment to keep him alive. Then let him just about die again. And Somer’s parent’s can be in charge of how long it goes on. I tell you this much, if it was up to me it would be 7 fucking years. Anyway, rot in hell you scumbag motherfucker. Because they ARE gonna find your sorry ass.

Brett Favre is a Moron

Brett Favre... Retired or Retarded???

With that, lets get on to the fuckheads. I wanna start with Brett Favre. Now I have never made any secret of the fact that, with the exception of a few hockey players I HATE professional athletes. There are many many reasons why and I won’t bore you with the details here and now, but suffice it to say that the ranks of the NFL, NBA and the MLB are FULL of people so fucking stupid they couldn’t get a job as an assistant manager at a fucking Dairy Queen, and THAT is really an unfair thing to say to DQ…. But, and this is painful to admit being that I am from Minnesota, I always kinda liked Brett Favre. I don’t give enough of a fuck about the Vikings and football to even pay attention to the scores of the games, but I always kinda thought Brett Favre had some class…. Not so, any more, apparently. I mean, how many fucking times is the guy gonna retire???? I heard on the radio on my way into work today (the WORST job in the world but that is a subject for another day) that there are more rumors that, even though he has already said he is NOT playing for the ViQueens, that may have changed. Again. Jesus Fucking Christ, Brett, just go away….. You have no respect left anywhere, just go back to Louisiana, get some beer and narcotics and bottle out…..

Michael Vick….

Michael Vick... Redeemed or Retarded????

OK, now you have all heard that convicted dog-killer Michael Vick was paroled and reinstated to the NFL. There has been a HUGE uproar about the reinstatement and whether or not he should be allowed to play pro football and earn all that money, scumbag that he is. Don’t get me wrong- I am by NO MEANS a dog lover, but let’s face it- dog fighting is not OK. And for fuck’s sake- why in the HELL would a man with Vick’s talent allowed himself to be involved in such an activity. It’s purely fucking retarded and there is no other way to say it…. BUT! Hold the phone, you idiots…. He has paid his debt to society. He was charged, tried, convicted and sentanced under the American legal system. He has served his time and is now a free man. Free to exercise his constitutional rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That is the way the system works, like it or not. So if the NFL- which is already loaded down with scumbags, losers, fuckheads, murderers, felons and more douchebags that should legally be allowed to gather in one place at one time for fear of the spontaneous creation of some sort of immorality black hole that could potentially implode the entire North American continent on any given Sunday- decides to let him back in then so be it. One more loser douchebag one way or the other on the rosters of the NFL is really not going to make any difference and quite honestly, the people who are against his reinstatement are attempting to further punish a man who has already done his time. So let him back in, it only serves to reinforce my contention that professional sports as a whole is, outside the elected officials in Washington, is the biggest collection of losers, idiots, morons, retards, douchebags, lowlives and just general scum of the earth on the planet. I won’t be watching anyway….

Here is something else new we are gonna be doing on every post. The parting shot. Why? because it’s my fucking blog and I can do what I want…. But seriously, most of the shit I write about here, as retarded as it is, is somewhat depressing. And the parting shot will serve as a way to have a good laugh at the end of a tirade about some fuckhead or another. So without further ado, here is today’s.

The boat goes in FIRST, you shithead!

Now, ever since the tragic shutting off of mullets galore, I have been looking for a new site featuring total fucking retards with really bad hair. I was seriously pissed off when I went there one day to find the message saying “MG has been switched off”. But not to worry, I recently came across Don’t Judge My Hair and while there aren’t nearly as many mullet pictures as the great MG, there are a few and hopefully more will be coming. The one nice thing is that there IS a lot more variety, and plenty of idiots with really bad hair.
Now for the Grumpy Old Twat. This dude is most definitely NOT a retard, but he does seem to have a knack for finding them and punking them out on his blog. Even if it is mostly Brittish shit, which I really don’t understand mostly because there is so much fucked up shit in America that I can hardly keep up with that, let alone whatever the hell is going on over the pond, there is some seriously hysterical shit over there that is definitely worth checking out. Plus, I think the old fucker might be even crabbier than I am….
And now, since I am thoroughly depressed and ready to start drinking again (since it’s been almost 5 hours since I quit), I thought I would leave you with a few posters I found this morning while nursing my hangover….

Obamoron is an Idiot

This one here really speaks for itself...