My Neighbors are Total Fucking Morons
And now for my neighbors…. Trust me, although this is the first time you are hearing about them I can guarantee you it won’t be the last. Talk about a bunch of moron fuckhead retard idiots. Now here’s the deal, I live in a side-by-side duplex, so we share the back yard. I have 3 kids, they have two. My kids absolutely fucking rule, and their kids are about a half-step away from needing
helmets to leave the house. But I let my kids play with the idiots next door in hopes that they might develop some tolerance for the glaringly obvious shortcomings of others, and grow up to be a little less crabby than I am. Now there have been plenty of run-ins in the past, but today we’ll talk about the latest one. It’s also important to note that as fucked up as the kids are, it’s entirely the parents’ fault. You couldn’t have hand-picked two bigger fuckheads to get together and reproduce. She’s a psychologist (as if that shouldn’t throw up a HUGE fucking red flag) and he’s some kind of glorified secretary for a local insurance company.
But they are both TOTAL fuckheads. You know the type, hand-off parents who allow the children to “explore”, the ones you see watching and doing nothing while some bratty 5-year old throws a screaming temper tantrum on the floor at the grocery store, dismissing it as “showing his feelings” and allowing him to “express himself”. Anyway, my main bitch has always been that they NEVER let their kids go outside until WE are out there first, and they NEVER EVER watch the kids when they’re outside. So now, instead of watching 3 kids under the age of 7, all of a sudden I am in charge of 5. I handle it pretty simply, I just don’t give a fuck what the neighbor kids do. My mom on the other hand, was down babysitting awhile back, and the little douchebag prick next door went home and told his idiot dad that “we spanked him”. So now I have some overweight balding fuckhead retard standing in my front door and shaking his finger at my mom, threatening to call the cops and that sorta shit. Keep in mind, my mom never even spanked me and my brother, much less some fuckhead kid next door. And no, my mom doesn’t live here, in case you were wondering….
Anyway, in front of his dad, my mom asks the little dipshit if she spanked him or not and he stood there silent. Finally, my mom tells him, “As long as you’re here and I’m talking to you, when I am here, keep your damn kids at home. I come down here to visit my grandchildren, not run a daycare center”. They leave, and I start planning to build a fence.
Fast forward to yesterday. I have to go to work, so my mom comes down to babysit. She and my kids go outside, and (of course) fuckhead shows up. Well, my mom sends him home. Two minutes later, the bitch-with-a-capital-C comes out of the house and starts telling my mom all about how her grandkids are going to “resent her” because “all these 5 kids love each other and NEED to play together”. Have you EVER heard such a load of bullshit in your whole life?? So my mom, getting her ass chewed by this bitch, says she doesn’t wanna be responsible for HER kids. And the bitch actually tells her EVERYONE is responsible for kids!! That must be why they never watch their own fucking kids, because the whole world will do it for them…. Anyway, my mom decides to revisit the now-infamous “spanking” incident and FINALLY (I attribute this to some “stranger” responsible for teaching the little dipshit something useful) decides to own up to the fact that my mom never touched him. Then, my mom asks him why this bitch would even WANT her kids over playing at the house where he might be being beaten. To which, with all her psychologist training, all she could reply with was an open mouth.
Like I said, this is the first story about the retarded neighbors I have but you can bet it won’t be the last…
More Shit You Might Like
Twitter It!You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
July 4th, 2009 at 6:07 am
Dude I feel for you, had something similar happen to me.
Amusingly the person she accused was in a different state at the time(after she claimed it happened 10 minutes ago), so she starts changing her story to fit in with this new information, which her new genius theory was even more fucked than the prior.
Don’t slam your head into a steel pike, even if it becomes a nice option to free yourself of the stupid!
July 6th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Yesterday, there were 3 cops and an ambulance over there because she was “feeling dizzy”…. So not only is she a total fucking moron, but she likes to waste taxpayer dollars because she’s too fucking stupid to just sit down and relax. And she STILL sends her kids out to play with mine, even though he could be beaten at any time. I just don’t fucking get it…
July 7th, 2009 at 1:14 am
People generally fail.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:12 am
[...] people (and therefore I run out of idiot shit to write about) I have a job to do. And judging from my fuckhead neighbors and the fact the the USA is now officially governed by communists, I don’t see the retards [...]
July 29th, 2009 at 9:40 am
I love these types of stories…makes my neighbors seem like angels.
July 29th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Hi Kimberly and welcome to the Daily Retard!
There is a new installment in the saga- the insurance secretary douchebag father came over last weekend to tell me my 7-year old daughter was “showing her butt to his retarded son. Well, it turns out the little dipshit was over here PEEKING IN HER BEDROOM WINDOW! Not to mention the fact that according to all three of my kids, he was showing his butt right back….
So I asked the idiot why he even lets the kid out anymore after the whole “spanking” incindent. He stood there with his mouth half-open (ya know- the typical window-licker look) speechless, so I told him to keep his fucking kids in his own fucking yard and slammed the door.
The saga continues…..
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:48 am
I’ve had some neighbors from hell too, DR. I thank God I don’t have any kids myself, or I’d have probably gone insane or become even crabbier than I am already.
All these liberal morons let their kids run wild and they behave worse than packs of rabid hyena’s….but then GOD forbid you tell the “get out of my yard”, “Don’t set my trees on fire” Don’t throw beer bottles at the squirrels over the fence” “Don’t pull out all the flowers I just spent $150.00 and 1/2 a day planting” You get the idea. Luckily, the crackheads who spawned these junior satans moved! God help me, I wish I could sell this house and live in a retirement home that doesn’t allow kids within a 2 block radius.
I’m sure your kids are an exception to the spawns of satan rule.
November 22nd, 2009 at 3:02 am
Ya know, Bunni, my kids DO drive me nuts from time to time, but I try to keep the insanity corralled to my OWN existence rather than share it with others… When we go out, they behave like angels. Even at home when we’re outside they are reasonably well-behaved. But these fuckhead neighbors of mine are definite subscribers to the old Hillary “It takes a village….” theory and it makes me want to hit them in the face with a hammer…..
It’s funny how these liberal assholes always seem to think that no matter how fucked up they are, somehow us common-sense-thinkers are wrong to question them!